Ever feel like even when you're with someone, things don't feel right? I mean like.. idk... i just feel alone a lot.. even when i'm with someone. the feeling just doesn't seem to go away. im getting tired of trying to find the thing that has to fill it... idk i just wannna scream at the top of my lungs, stop crying all the time, i just feel so god i dont even know.. there's so much confusion and pain and loneliness i cant take this shit anymore. people just need to stop expecting so much from me. idk. just. im sooo done with everyone i dont care who it is anymore :\.

rocking on bare feet, curled in a fetal position, she reaches out with a battered mind. Brushing gently to touch unwitting people as they pass her by. Frightened and tortured she balances on the verge of madness, she stares into the deep, dark maw of the abyss. Enclosed by four walls forced to detach herself from humanity, to hide in a dark place and hope to not be seen. Rocking back and forth, one thought drifting into another, memories. Wishing she could change all the betrayal she's faced. She gently caresses each cut on her arm, her chest, her thigh. Even though she hated the scars it all created, the blood and the pain helped her survive.

Held prisoner in a house that cannot be called a home, no way to escape accept the gun beneath her parent's bed,or the razor-blade in her backpack. She steps out side, one foot in front of the other. Inhaling the bitterly cold hair sends a sharp pain straight into her lungs. The teeter-totter squeaking in the shadow of the wind sent chills down her spine. This was her life, barren and worthless.

Toes curled around the edge of the cliff, looking back one last time, on tears of sorrow and none of happiness. A light cloud of snow begins to fade, just as quickly as it appeared. Gently drifting towards her lifeless body and the crimson snow, caressing her gently like the touch of no one she knows. To reminisce was her regret, to love was her heart's betrayal.

Some Mistakes ARE Easily Hidden

Old habits die hard, and mine decided to come back alive...

Day 3

Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to uniquely sum up what happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, exactly right, and still feel like you failed. How can you reach the point of perfection, if perfection is viewed differently by every person?

The feeling of their heated breath running down my neck, my back about to break. Perfection is what they want from me, but how can i achieve that if neither one of them can agree on what perfection is? I feel like i have to contort and mutilate my body to be even near what my parents expect of me. And how the hell am i going to do anything with them sitting on my shoulders breaking my spine, holding the leash they chained to my neck?

Things are supposed to get better once you feel you've hit rock bottom... right? Well why is it that I've hit that place in life, but I'm moving every single rock and creating an even deeper bottom? Even though i know that sometimes everything has to fall apart for some things to fall into place, i just wish it'd start to get better, you know? No.. you don't know, nobody feels the same...

Day 2

Letting go isn't what has been hard for me, it's all the good memories I've left behind along with my departure. The way the butterflies grouped in my stomach, and my knees weakened thinking I'd never fall. The thing that made me leave.. well he was never there to catch me, so my knees became strong once more. When your beaten, bruised, and scabbed up, all that's left to do is give up. Giving up doesn't mean you're weak, to have the strength to let go of the only thing that keeps you holding on is strength.. you have enough to make it through without them.

I hate how people give you all the ,"I told you so's, and, you should have listened to me's". What are mistakes for.. to learn from. How do we learn if those we love shelter us and never let us make the mistakes our hearts yearn to create? And in the end nobody's mistakes are the same, what's bad for one person can turn out to be amazing for another. What is love without hurt, and hurt without love, anyways?

Day 1

There are those you trust, those who've broken your trust, and those you will never open up to. Every beginning has and end, and every end a new beginning. Things live... and things die. I've given trust, and mostly had it broken, but a trust that is crumpled is similar to paper... it'll never be the same again, forever wrinkled. My home is no longer a home, it's just a house... the people that live there are full of anger and I feel like if I do one thing wrong they could blow up on me any second, so I'm trying my best to be perfect for them.


Things are breaking apart, tearing at the seams. I'm holding on by very few threads, but, they have to hold until the day i'm revolving my current life around comes. The day i try to get free.